| The Teenager in all of us |
[Apr. 17th, 2009|08:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
I used to be a mall security guard. I used to ask angsty gangsters to put their Bandanas away or leave. I wish I could of approached people, with their political awareness t-shirts and flare, and asked them to put it away or leave.
Normally I hate politics. My friends have all seen me turn from friendly to aggressive, at the mention of politics. The thing about politics that has me so worked up, is the gang warfare.
Most people who care about politics might as well ware a red or blue bandana, and walk through the mall, holding their hands out to the side, showing us their "O-face", while saying, "WHA? WHA? WHA?" There really isn't any difference.
Well, I guess there is a difference. Wanna-be Gangsters are more honest. You ask a Gangster why they joined their gang and they'll usually tell you they got their feelings hurt, or they were lonely. Of course they wont use that language. They might say, "that's my family". I can totally understand not wanting to be lonely. They might tell you that someone killed someone they cared about. Yeah, I know that kinda getting my feelings hurt. I guess I do identify with angry mall gangsters as much as anyone should be able to, which is quite a bit.
Now if only Conservatives and Liberals would be this honest. You claim it's the issues. It was the Republicans who pushed for the first stimulus plan and then threw a temper tantrum when the Democrats did the same thing. Of course the opposite is also true. The Democrats stomped their little feet, when the Republicans first released a stimulus plan, only to release there own right after. Bicker over the details all you want. The only difference is your anger to the other side.
I know this guy who said, "the problem with the Republicans is that they are acting like Democrats". So wait a minute. Am I understanding this right? If a Republican does something dumb, they are generally good but are simply currently making a bad choice. But if a Democrat does the same thing, it's inherent to their nature?
As a side note. I was trying to think of something to include against the Democrats to counter the previous personal example. It occurs to me that I have very little. Most of my ammunition is for the conservatives. Ironically, that's because most of my friends are more Conservative. Most of them would be more inclined to vote Republican. And since I can't trust any of them to give me reliable information on the Democrats, but I CAN trust there information on the Republicans, it leaves me one sided. It leaves me in an unfair spot, since I want both sides to be exposed as teenie-emos equally. I suppose in this case I will just have to say, if it were easier to find reasonable Liberal/Dems I'd be able to attack them better. *shrugs*
Since this has WAY over drawn my negativity quota for the day, I'll end with a positive CNN article. Praise for Steve Schmidt, John McCain's presidential campaign manager. (this may hint at sarcasm, but their is none. I'm serious. A public thank you for being the exception.)
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/04/17/schmidt.log.cabin/index.html |
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| Sorry It's so long. But I'm not using an LJ cut. |
[Feb. 12th, 2009|03:14 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | respect | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
There are a lot of people who's Livejournal I used to read regularly.
But half a year after a very painful life changing event, I'm still really struggling. Waking up in the morning is difficult and most often just doesn't seem worth it. Staying in touch with people feels more tiring then it's worth.
It would be a terrible choice to give in to my instincts. All the same, a balance between resisting and accepting must be kept.
I need to change somethings. I need to adjust the influences in my life. There are many issues (current events, politics, the highs and lows of other peoples dating, etc.) which are often worth keeping up with. Just not now, not for me.
It's really important to me that anyone who reads this understands that if you notice that you are no longer my "LJ Friend" it's probably because you are awesome enough to courageously address difficult issues that must be dealt with. I'm glad the world has these awesome people, who I love, who are also awesome enough to respect my boundaries and keep their noble works away from me.
This is also a request for the people I hang out with. Please, no more mention of politics or current events. Keep up the good work. Keep fighting the good fight. Just keep it away from me. Please don't challenge me to be a better person. I'll be responsible for my part, you for yours. Don't discus with me how I could correct my language for YOUR idea of accuracy, politeness or inclusiveness. Don't tell me your theory about an authority figure with a personality disorder. Don't send me your witty play on word sound bites. I'm proud of your photoshop skills; there's no need to show me. I don't want to see or hear your comparison of democrats to communists or implication that Bush has a developmental disability. You can fly your RED or BLUE anywhere. You can have your gang war anywhere. So keep it away from me.
If it's controversial please don't contradict me or push it on me. Maybe that sounds unfair, but the trade off is, I wont do the same to you either.
I'm not asking anyone to change anything for me. I'm just asking you to leave something out when talking directly too me or if I'm in a room with you while you talk about it with someone else, respect that I may leave or disengage.
Best of luck on saving us. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2008|11:53 am] |
http://www.faithfreedom.org/obama.html
Don't get me wrong, there are a lots of reasons to critisize Obama and a lots of reasons to critisize Democrates. I defend Bush every time someone says he is "retarded". I even defend him when people say he is "Stupid". Bush was bad at public speaking, but that has nothing to do with intelligence.
The idea that Obama has narcissistic personality disorder is absured. There is NO WAY that Obama can have that disorder. Impossible. It would be more convincing to say he was a quadrapelegic and claim that his arms and legs are visible because of video editing his head on to an actor. If he had that Disorder he would not have said "John is right" so many times in the first debate. Dick Chaney did not mastermind the 911 attacks. W Bush does not have a developmental disability. Obama does not have Narcissistic Personality. Tell me he is going to ruin the economy by irresponsible spending and government intervention. Tell me he is going to discourage production be rewarding lazyness with social programs. Tell me he is going to be soft on terrorism. Tell me he is going to support policy that will hurt the country's ability protect itself. But no, he is not a Narcissist.
PS: I just want to clarify something because this post is a bit missleading. I'm not writing about sides or parties. I belive that everyone can be critisized. If i can't critisize them, then I don't know them well enough. I also belive that character attacks are always counter productive. People make bad choices but calling them names accomplishes nothing. Leave the name calling in elementry school. |
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| A happy post. I am an avatar of Mercury. Living my fate gives me endorphines. |
[Oct. 31st, 2008|11:32 am] |
This is the first time I've posted something happy in a while. It's a nice change. I just flew in to London and it's about noon local time. I really didn't sleep on the flight and I really should have. I'm in a daze from the time change. All the same, I have a lot more to be giddy about then I do to complain about.
On a side note, this is the first time I've ever been to Terminal 5. For regular international travelers this means something. London Heathrow has been a bottle neck for travelers for a while now. An airport as important and active as Heathrow should do better. That is why I defend DIA. Well, that and they pay me too. I'm kind of a mercenary like that. You know flexible moral philosophy blah blah blah. Anyway opening Terminal 5 is an exciting change.
I have today to run around London, my god-motherland (Trinidad is my motherland. India is the other god-fatherland). Tomorrow morning I'm on a flight to Venice. |
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| Wings for Marie was my sisters favorite song. I'm more into 10,000 days. |
[Oct. 5th, 2008|04:10 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Tool, 10,000 Days, Wings for Marie and 10,000 days | ] |
Both Nicky and I agreed that Tool was the greatest band ever.
"Wings For Marie (Pt. 1)"
You believed.
You believed in moments not conceived.
You believed in me.
A passionate spirit.
Uncompromised
boundless and open.
A light in your eyes, then, immobilized.
Vacant, broken.
Fell at the hands of
Those movements that I wouldn't see.
Cause it was you who prayed for me so.
What have I done to be a son to an angel?
What have I done to be worthy?
Day light dims leaving cold fluorescence.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
She never told a lie.
Well might of told a lie.
But never lived one.
Didn't have a life.
Didn't have a life.
But surely saved one.
Saved on.
Alright, now it's time for us to let you go.
"10,000 Days (Wings Pt. 2)"
We listen to the tales and romanticize,
how we follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun,
How we'll rise to the height of our halo.
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize,
our way into the arms of the savior.
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations.
None of us have actually been there,
Not like you...
Ignorant siblings in the congregation.
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me...
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see.
But enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who illuminated?
Your little piece of the divine.
And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me
I'm gonna let it shine
to guide you safely on your way.
Your way home...
Oh, what are they gonna do when the lights go down?
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they gonna do when the rivers overrun?
Other than tremble incessantly.
High is the way,
but our eyes are upon the ground.
You are the light and the way.
They'll only read about.
I only pray heaven knows,
when to lift you out.
10,000 days in the fire is long enough.
You're going home...
You're the only one who can hold your head up high.
Shake your fist at the gates saying,
"I have come home now...!"
Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
"It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my
Give me my wings...!"
Give me my
Give me my
Give me my
Give me my
Give me my
Give me my wings
You are the light, the way,
that they will only read about.
Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance.
Burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion.
Should you see your maker's face tonight,
Look him in the eye.
Look him in the eye and tell him,
I never lived a lie, never took a life,
But surely saved one.
Hallelujah
It's time for you to bring me home. |
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| I gave this speech at my sisters memorial in New York. |
[Sep. 28th, 2008|05:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I originally Named this "thoughts on life and death". But I rethought it and decided that a more appropriate name would be "Laughing between crying". We'll see if I end up laughing or crying by the time I'm done.
I remember one time when I was little, Nicky told me I had the cooties. I must have been very young. I believed her. I took it literally. I thought my big sister, who always took care of me and spoke for me, was telling me I was sick. It would take me at least 10 or 15 years to realize that I should take what she says with a grain of salt. I now understand that I was infected, not with a virus, but with an idea.
If you loose or gain 15 pounds, we don't call you by a different name. We are not our height, or our weight. We are not our eye colour.
Nicky was not cremated. Nicky was not a body. She is an idea. She is dedication and passion for a worthy cause. She is an attitude to rival any force of nature. She is a unique quirky sense of humour. She is originality. She is humanitarianism.
Oh by the way, I'm aloud to call her Nicky. No one else is. There have been many times when I called her Nicky in front of of someone else and then they called her Nicky because they heard me say it. And she would say to them, “It's NICOLE!”.
About a week after the tragedy occurred, my mom asked me if Nicky believed in reincarnation. After hearing this, I suddenly understood Einsteinian physics, as a few millennium past for me and about a quarter of a second for everyone else. I thought about giving her the easy answer and saying, “yes mom, Nicky and I are sure that she is now a penguin. She does nothing all day except look cute for small children who feed her cheese and scotch.” But the easy way isn't always the right way. I told my mom, “Nicky was a person of the present. She believed in what she knew, and had faith that in the end good deeds didn't go unrewarded. She was concerned with the practical and left the philosophical naval gazing BS-ing to her younger brother while she did something with her life.” Those might not have been my exact words. My mom then asked me if I believed in reincarnation. And I'm really glad she asked that because at that point my only ethical choice was philosophical naval gazing BS. I told my mom “After Nicky went to space camp, I wanted to go to space camp. I believe that she influenced me and as long as I'm alive she is alive. And everyone who I've influenced has been influenced by her. That is reincarnation.”
Do to the laws of dharma and reincarnation, I have taken on some new assignments. I've already started to learn photography. A number of my sisters best friends are quickly becoming my best friends. And whenever someone says “Nicky” I respond with “It's NICOLE”. And when I think about choosing the easy way over the right way, I think of Nicky. So I'd like to request something of all of you. Choose something you love or admire about our loved ones. Maybe choose a pet project or a dedication. It's ok if it's a little thing. Just choose at least something and continue that practice. But just remember, you aren't doing it FOR them. Your doing it for yourself. And your doing it because of them. |
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| Yesterday, the Taliban killed my sister. |
[Aug. 14th, 2008|05:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Help me. I believe that no one should be hated. But currently my feelings don't align with my beliefs. Normally I tell others that Islam/Arabs/Persians are not to blame. The individuals are, not the groups. Normally, I remind people that those who do horrible things only do them because horrible things happened to them. And that hating others for it, only continues the trend.
My sister was building schools. She was trying to get funding for a circus. She wanted the children to smile. Even today I find myself telling others that hating the gunman doesn't help. It only distracts us.
I'm no longer a little brother. I no longer have a big sister. Help remind me. I believe it but I don't feel it. |
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| Lemons? |
[Feb. 17th, 2008|07:47 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | life | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | nostalgic | ] |
I was on facebook.com today. I was putting dates to the books that I've read, and I got to Kurt Vonnegut's “Cat's cradle”. At this point, I started shaking and crying. I can imagine an outsider looking in and not understanding. But they don't know the context. Cat's Cradle is the first novel I've ever read. I'll never forget the feeling of giddy disorientation that came from reading the last few lines. I was probably shaking and crying then too. I wasn't sure what to do after a book is finished. I would imagine that seems strange. But this happened at the age of 17. Most people had finished a book by then. It was also exactly 10 years before that I was put in special education classes in The New York public school system. I've often felt that Mr. Vonnegut and I had a special relationship. His death was the last time I wanted to go back to smoking cigarettes. I resisted (Vonnegut once said he was going to sue the Tobacco companies for not killing him as they had promised). Education was the first great challenge of my life. Having Dyslexia in a standardized school system is hard enough. Then consider being put in the same class with kids who will never learn to tie their shoes. Then considering that I was held to the same standards as the previously mentioned kids, one can imagine how far behind I was by the time I reached 7th grade and entered private school. My parents didn't have money for private school or tutors. They made sacrifices. So will I.
Last September, I turned 28. I let 10 years pass. Sue me. In November, I signed up for University of Colorado Denver. Today I was writing a paper on the “The World is Flat” by Thomas Friedman. I needed a mental break. So I decided to update the dates on my book list on facebook.
PS: There is no need to wait for the death of the body to be reincarnated. You can can seek a better rebirth anytime you feel ambitious. I am not a Hindu. I am a Transhumanist. I am not a one of the illiterate. I am a Transhumanist. I am not a victim of the system. I am a successful Transhumanist. |
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| "why Tesseractheart"? |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
I would assume when Bashka asked “why TesseractHeart” he means what does TesseractHeart mean. Well I don't know how many of you know the details behind the name Hyper-Tetra-Hedron-Tess-Ti-Coils, they are very similar. Ok. Here we go.
Heart: a vital organ responsible for moving nutrient carrying blood around the body.
Tesseract: the 4th dimensional version of a cube. A tesseract is to a cube as a cube is to a square.
We can also look at this differently.
Heart: that’s what broke when you last talked to the girl or boy that you first kissed.
Or maybe your heart is really big if you wake up at 4 in the morning because your best friend called you crying. You know it’s gonna be hell going to work the next day on 2 hours of sleep. But you don’t regret driving over to your friends house, nothings more important.
Tesseract: is there a 4th dimension? If we don’t know it’s there how can we talk about the shapes in it? If Human intellect evolved (I’m NOT discounting darwanism, I’m just saying there is a little more to the story), based on the factors of making babies and keeping you and your babies alive. When did theorizing about unknown dimensions became important to getting laid, and keeping your babies from being tiger food?
These are 2 ways to look at a heart and 2 ways to look at a tesseract. They both have a Dualism to them. And together they are a dualism to something else. Together they are a the biological and the mathematical, the organic and the machine.
TesseractHeart.
To expand on this I’ll skim through the Hyper-Tetra-Hedron-Tess-Ti-Coils thing.
Hypertetrahedron- 4th dimensional tetrahedron. (A tetrahedron is like a pyramid. Except that a pyramid is a triangle on 4 sides and a square on the bottom. The square on the bottom means it’s lacking in a kind of 3rd dimensional symmetry. A tetrahedron is a triangle on the 3 top sides and a triangle on the bottom.
Tess-Ti-Coils- obviously a reference to one’s balls (with a bizarre twist). Could be a biological device. Could be a symbol for boldness, aggression, etc. “you don’t have to balls”, or “stop thinking with your balls”.
Now why does Tesseract go with heart and not with balls? Why does hypertetrahedron go with balls and not with heart?
If you were to choose a representation for your spirit would you choose your heart or your genitals? How would you feel about navigating the world, but instead of up down forward backward left and right, you used down up/backward up/left/forward and up/right/forward.
They point is, some people think with there genitals too much but it’s still a lower function for humans. It would be inhuman to think of it as a higher function.
And it may seem silly to navigate with down, up/backward, up/left/forward, and up/right/forward, but that’s because we rely on the “neatness” of our system (directions have opposites). When really this system is simpler (you can still get to anywhere in 3D space but with few direction. You have 4 instead of 6. and you can still get anywhere.)
We think in cubes not tetrahedrons. And hearts are higher functions, not testicals. Tesseractheart is the side of me that interacts with people. Hyper-Tetra-Hedron-Tess-Ti-Coils is the part of me isn’t quit human (I believe every one has a side of them like this. I know that is an oxymoron but I’m taking a poetic license).
Maybe Hyper-Tetra-Hedron-Tess-Ti-Coils is less then human. Maybe he is more. The truth is, with out gravity up and down would be relative and the same counts here. Tesseractheart and Hyper-Tetra-Hedron-Tess-Ti-Coils are a duality made up of duality’s. They represent the Yin Yang Fractal or the Ladder to the Toa. |
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